Three Words

Three words…three words can mean the world to you when it’s those words that get you through another day…when its those words that give you hope

Three words…something to hold on it…a reason to continue fighting

Three words…can change the way you react…change the way you respond…change the u-turn you thought was necessary.

♥He Is Serious♥

These three words hold power….more than you know…more than you comprehend…more than I can explain. These three words made me smile tonight… Did you know

…He is Serious!…

Humpday Friday

1/2 day of teaching…almost Christmas break (oh wait, winter vacation is more PC)… Christmas staff party…left school at 3:00 instead of 6:00…crashed when I got home…

Today felt like a Friday and its only Wednesday. I had so many plans for my extensive afternoon and I only got one of them done (well if you count my lil snooze, I guess I accomplished 2). I finished my gradschool project. I have to present it tomorrow and then the class is going out for a Mexican dinner.  Grad school is a whole other element to “continuing education”. I will have to expand on that sometime soon.

We were talking today about how hard it is to think “Christmas” with sunshine and 60’s.  Christmas music just doesn’t sound the same without blowing snow and a warm fire. At least I will hopefully have snow for Christmas in Michigan. And the tradition of kenny g playin the background.

The school community is doing fine. My friends are a blast and I Love my kids. I know God did not create me to teach 5th graders, but I still love my kids.  I am planning to go down next year.

My bro told me I was neglecting my blog, so here I am at 11:27pm on humpday posting. I hope he is satisfied. My creative thoughts have left my brain and left behind the broken remnants of partial blogs otherwise known as scattered ramblings.

I thought 30K would take a girl places…until I moved to Phoenix

And now I currently have -30K! Well kind of. I had a paycheck yesterday when it was electronically put in my account.  And it is all gone already! I know what you are thinking–ya that happens to my pay ever time too. NOT LIKE THIS IS DOESN”T…

I literally mean, it was in my account yesterday morning, I paid some bills, and today they reversed the whole check! Yes, not kidding! They reversed my paycheck. Apparantly there was a ‘mix up’ with not knowing how to find my current certification (No comment on my District Office or County) and do to their negligence, I will not receive a check now til Monday.  AND it will be a paper check and will need to be transfered/wired to Michigan. Fun Times!

To top it off I feel like crap! My head, neck and face hurt- like someone bruised them. And I have a sore throat, body aches and perhaps a slight fever. Yes, I feel fantastic. My nose is so stuffy that I can sleep since I can’t breath, but my eyes are burning from their lack of rest. AHHHHHHHHHHH

The Depth of Love

Have you noticed I only enjoy blogging when it’s something pressing on my heart?

I was just viewing a youtube video put together by Trudy Lindstrom, a friend of Jana’s that I am looking forward to meeting some time soon.  It seems to be a video of her journey to salvation and the quest to obtaining support to travel to LBOM.  In that she has video of my OIS kids, my actual students! As I sat here watching their smiles, watching them playfully learning, tears streamed down my face.  What is it about those kids? I don’t cry when I see pictures of others kids I have taught.  Sure I am happy to see their faces again and reminisce about the teaching moments I shared with them and their personalities, maybe even spend a few moments dreaming about where God is taking them in life.  It isn’t the same. My Batswana, well really African students, hold a different place in my heart.  A place unique to them.  A place I need to revisit.

I have been thinking a lot lately about my future and when God will call me back to Botswana.  It’s interesting that an outsider sees my longing for Botswana as a means to being with a boy, yet in my heart I know he has nothing to do with it.  Marriage or boyfriend or relationship or none of it–it doesn’t really matter.  I want to be back in Botswana for the ministry, for the people, for the fulfillment of God’s calling on my life.  The other issues and joys included are simply extra blessings God has added.

Just some thoughts for the evening…On a side note, I have invited 2 of my teacher friends to attend church with me Wednesday and Im super excited.  I will let you know how it goes.

A Tugging of my Heart

Do you feel it to? I have heard from others that they feel it too- greater now than in previous days. I have talked about it before but it’s ever increasing.  At first I couldn’t understand what was happening, but then I realized it’s building.  The yearning, the hunger, the physical need, the spiritual need, the desires.

I equated it to the craving of chocolate. Did you know, when your body is craving chocolate during that special time, it is because of the loss of blood and your body is actually craving some mineral or vitamin that happens to be in the chocolate? Well, that’s how I feel. Not craving chocolate, but its that feeling, only it is emitting from my soul.

I am craving Christ in my life more now than ever.  I have started listening to Christian praise and worship from morning to night.  Today I put in TD Jakes in the car for the drive to work and back.  He was actually right on—God is good.  I feel like I want to go to church every day all day.  But not a feeling like ‘yes this would be good’. It is a feeling that I cannot survive without it. I want conferences and church and fellowship and worship and desire to do nothing else.

I firmly believe God is preparing to do something huge.  HUGE! Something greater than this generation has ever seen.  I believe He is preparing his people–much how a woman’s body is so ravenously hungry during pregnancy as it stores food for this lil life.  He is filling, storing His people with His will and Faith and the strength to stand.  He is preparing us for something.  I am excited!

I know some of you from here in Arizona to Michigan and all the way to Botswana have said to me in the past couple months that you also feel a NEED for spiritual growth.

What about the rest of you>? Any of you?

A Big Hole

Have you ever seen a big hole? I mean a really big one?  Picture for me a hole that was created by water over billions and billions of years….oh ya maybe that isn’t how it happened.

I took pictures of the big hole for all of you to see, but they have not all been uploaded to Picassa and Flickr yet.  Here is a sneak peak.   We got up at 4:30 to see the sunrise. We had to hike a bit and wait quite a while, but the sunrise was beautiful!  This was the approaching storm behind us. The sky really looked like that and it did rain on us. We thought the day was going to be ruined.  We hiked to where we took sunrise pictures. Once the light started falling in the Canyon the mist also came with the rain.You can see the rain in the distance, yet the sun was shining. This is looking into a cove above Bright Angel Trail.

This is where we went on our hike later in the day. It turned out to be gorgeous!

As you can see, I didn’t see just any hole.  Yes, Brenda and Adam came to visit for the weekend and we drove to the Grand Canyon.  It is about 4.5 hours from my house in Phoenix.  It was a good time, but yes it is simply a gorgeous big hole.  It is a great hiking experience though.  I want to get in good enough shape to hike to the river and back now.  We only hiked a total of 5miles on Sunday, but I really thought I wasn’t going to make it on the way back up! Brenda and Adam had to wait for me, but I survived.

We also stopped in Sedona on the way up which is known for its beauty except it was cold and overcast and raining, thus not so great pictures.  I might have to drive back up there some weekend this month to get some pictures as the leaves should be changing soon.

If you want to see more pictures of the “big hole” you can request a link to my Picassa Album or my Flickr account.

Still Alive

To God be the Glory forever and ever Amen. The End

No really, I’m still here. I know I have been quiet for the past month, but life started running away from me and I was giving it all I had, so I had to give it more.  It is better now and I am on vacation.  I will post a nice, pretty post tomorrow, so be excited of things to come.

I have been deciding to make some changes in my life.  The problem is I like to set big goals and change lots of things at one time.  When I don’t succeed at them, I get discouraged.  This time, I will make smaller goals.  Anyway, that’s it until tomorrow.

As I Draw Near…Talking to my Abba

Abba~I long to be so close to you right now.  The urgency I feel to need you in my life more and more is such a strong desire, yet I don’t know why it is this way.  Why do I feel the need to cling to you like my life depends on it? I mean, I know it does, but the magnetic pull is so strong right now; more than it has been in a long time.  The real Dilemma is as I draw dear to you, I find myself drawing away from America and towards my Africa.  Why is that God? Why is it that as I draw closer to you, I long deeper to just leave America again and move back to Africa?

Sometimes I feel as if I am acclamating and adjusting and learning to love the ways of this nation, but in those times, its when I am not seeking your face and desiring your will in EVERYTHING I do.  When it comes to me facing you, talking to you, washing myself in worship and scripture- I am simply drawn to you.  I am drawn to who you are and who you want me to be.  But in the end I am also drawn back to Africa.

As I continue to try and ‘fit in’ back here in my ‘home’ country and I try to reaclamate to this nation and this life and these friends and these ways, I enter a crossroads.  A crossroads where as I walk towards You, I walk farther and farther away from here and close to Africa.  I don’t have an answer as to why this is true.  Only that as I was listening to worship music and meditating on growing closer to you–well I was at the cafe’ supposedly studying for class–this realization became apparantly obvious.

I am sure many of you that are reading this are thinking what I am thinking, but…. Some of you are thinking ‘it will go away once i adjust. It just takes me time” Let me simply say, that is what everyone said when I returned from Botswana the first time. If I put into words on here, what i’m really thinking, it would seem rash, so i’ll leave it to your imagination and to my Heavenly Father.

How You Know When It’s a Calling

When you read about it, you tear up…

It makes you angry to read about its failures…

It energizes you to want to make a difference…

It pushes you to read and educate yourself further…

Making a difference seems like an obligation…

You start surveying your life and how you can change now…

How can someone tear up when they are reading an educational article for a research grad paper? No, i’m not kidding.  My stomach was in knots and I was swallowing hard.  Pools of tears were brimming the banks of my eyes.  It was a feeling I have never experienced except for when talking about Africa.

Yes, that’s right, I wasn’t reading about Africa. This time, it wasn’t my beloved Africa–though these feelings are often felt when I do talk, reminisce, read or hear about my home and my people there.

I was reading through materials–journals, articles, websites, books and general scholaring materials–in preparation to write a paper for my grad class.  In choosing a topic for my paper, I found it very difficult to settle on what I really wanted to research.  What I want to study and prove is something that would need a couple years to study and I have 8 weeks.  My Professor said they way I am about this topic, the general topic I am studying, is the way he is about Special Ed. He said its obvious when you are talking about something you are passionate about. Not Africa, though yes I tried to tie it in and in thinking about my future in the professional world, I may tie this paper in.  No, my paper is about early childhood education– and basically whether the Head Start program adequately prepares children for Kindergarten.

It surprised me too until I realized it was all because…

It was God’s Calling…You get emotionally attached to the things painted on your heart.  The things painted on my heart were placed there by my Abba Father.  It is His calling on my life and my discovery of that calling that draws me closer to him and makes me passionate about the things that I am passionate about.

Exhaustion

What brings it on?

From where does it come?

Why doesn’t sleep make it disappear?

Is it stress?

Busyness of life?

Emotional toll?

Lack of sleep?

Exhaustion…

I feel so tired lately…even when I am sleeping.  I am not keeping as busy these days as when I was staying in Michigan, but my body feels more worn down.  I don’t have a solution, just an observation.  I slept 7.5 hours last night and took a lil nap tonight and was completely tired by 8pm.  I know really strange. I’m pretty sure it’s stress. Oh well. Soon some of the stress will be aleviated.

On a different tangent, church was good today.  The Pastor was making me question some of the things which I take for grant it as being truth.  Now I am starting to grow and question them.  I like that– I like that I was potentially questioning his beliefs on certain issues. I guess this could be exhausting too.  Learning strains your brain and causing exhaustion…this is the best kind though!